yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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