I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
