i just sent this text using only my big toe
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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