You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
