I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
