You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize