Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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