it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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