Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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