After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
