May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
