True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
