well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
