i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
