I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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