census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
