im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize