oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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