whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
