Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
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When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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