so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
