Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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