btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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