my vag is so smooth its legendary
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
