He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize