People with herpes should wear stickers.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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