You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
