She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
