I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
