Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sorry about my life...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
