:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it wasn't lemon gatorade
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
