Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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