you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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