I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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