I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
