wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
