all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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