god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
