Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
