My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
