did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
