hotel room ftw
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
