Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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