There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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