oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
