I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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