i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
