Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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