This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
