Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
