Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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