i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
