We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
