Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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