Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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