I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize