let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize