We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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