so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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