just tell him i said nine months
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this will be a night to untag.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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