Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
