note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
