And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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