As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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