I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize