i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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