if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
