i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
