btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
