Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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