After last night, I could never be a politician.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
