It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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