He uses pillows to masturbate.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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