i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
