I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
