I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
