He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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