The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Brb crying the tears of my youth
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
