taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
