You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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