Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
