You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
