I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
