I hate all girls vehemently.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize