I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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